|Pending approval of original art, subject to change|
A dear friend gave me a small office plaque that says “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) She understood how my life even decades ago, felt a whirlwhind of never ending tasks that left so little time for spiritual rest and soul renewal and yes even physical rest My caregiving cup overfloweth with frail parents and others who needed me and then there was a very full time paid job and the household who at that time had no one but me to run it. That though I got all the paid and household and parenting and caregiving essential tasks done, I see pictures from that time and though I smiled, I saw a very tired overworked person who needed Her Joy back. I had a fatigue that mixed with my genes and made me vulnerable to repetitive health diseases that also wrecked my body in several ways. The repetitive pneumonias of many kinds narrowed and etched and obstructed the lungs and gave me some other issues as well. I know that we all have changes as we age, but I went down with the same vengence in which I lived life - full flat out either operating at over drive or almost no drive at all. But I know that a spirit of determination and a large dose of Faith counts for all of us. We have to do our part in the healing as well!... So one of my challenges is to balance effort, with wisdom and push myself to the limits and then rest enough to restore.
I ask myself on a regular basis, have I given God all the vocal and written credit for all the miracles in my life, starting with me. I hope so but I know so many times, I have failed to be fully showing the perseverance and fortitude, joy and peace that comes with full knowledge that I've got my Maker by me 24/7 and that He is our healer and sometimes, from our human eyes we do not understand suffering. But though I know the peace that passes understanding, I am very human. Sometimes I cry, I grimace, I grumble, I withdraw so much from all that is going on around me that I can not tell you what happens when I am in the hospital. And during a procedure, I want to know generally what will happen but I don't need to see myself on a camera, I don't need you to tell me that only 3 more vials to go, I'm here and that means I'll follow all your directions, etc. Count down on the anesthesia if you must but beyond that I try not to hear you. I don't like the twilight processes where I'm not fully out, many of mine have needed that, so I just must "woman up" to them.
|Farmer Hubby resting under the sights and sound of glorious falls|
I have often said no to events where I know there are those who come with flu, cold and more as I know that my frailities will make me an open petri dish to them. It is the wisdom born of time, but I so DISLIKE living a guarded life. That's just honesty. I thank God so for surrounding me with doctors and medical community and special volunteers who have taken a very special care of me. They know that I must rest a great deal for many reasons, but they understand what was my "well point" before the past few years was so much more able. I must be honest readers, I do still mourn the old me from time to time instead of rejoicing the "I am right now" through God's blessings. I apologized to God for that on my trip.... I have done so many times and I probably will again but He knows and loves me anyway, despite my failings.
Usually when I get right to the point of yet one more repetitive disease or an ornery or difficult procedure, My prayer is Please God put my thoughts and focus on you, hide me and protect me, guide these people around me, make me still, not moving or jumping off this cold table, away from the smells and feels and tastes of medicine or fluids in my veins or mouth....not the so necessary sticking, pulling, prodding, pictures, noisy rooms, the cold, the dye running through my veins, the pre op or the post op or the wait.. I have been so blessed by my husband laying aside his needs to care for me. And to be around me when I am in less than full gentle sweet lady. When during the day I cough deeply over 200 times - at least that the highest I ever counted in an 8 hour when I was extremely sick..All the muscles and bones in the cough zone scream out objection. when the needed meds make me sicker so they can make me well, I must remember God put me on this path for a reason. I persevere because of Him and Life is so Worth the Living! Maybe there's someone out there that needs something from me. Maybe I'll never know until I no longer ask the question... I don't look forward to those things but I think of Him. He gave US our magnificent and mysterious bodies and we learn more about them scientifically thousands of years AD and still are coming up with scientific breakthroughs LIKE wow, our lungs also help develop new blood! wow - yes that's true. Only God fully knows us in our fullness..
Although we must certainly do something in life.....I worked full time from age 16 to well in my 50's enough said - I'm a southern lady and don't tell my age.. Believe me, I understand that clothes are not self washing, that there is a barrage of medical appointments and procedures that is often in itself a full time job. I've lowered my housekeeping standards. The farm with all its complexities has needs for so much and we are so dependent on so many to be our hands. And we are so blessed by them. If they were not here, the farm would fold. I just have to rejoice in that and leave the worrier side of me as far behind as possible to just be grateful.
I look at my hands most days and alternate between crying and laughing as they drop and break so much and swell up to the bursting point and I can only imagine Hubby's hands now through three surgeries and that they continue to work despite the pain that is endless and I know intellectually will worsen over time. The farm had gone through so much with the low low temps - the loss of some of the blueberries through frost burns but God's mercy over those extra cold times... That was miracle enough and the answer of prayer. The new bird flu swirling the southeast had caused Georgia to change its guidelines for bird shows, shipping eggs etc. I had become over worried about that dent on the income due to this loss of hatching eggs sales. I had to lay that down and turn it into a prayer of protection and that people would have the wisdom to obey the guidelines for all with backyard or small farm flocks. I have had severe mycobacterium and I know from my doctors to protect myself, but if a new strain came about, we may not know what meds would fight it or if they are available! So best for precautions for all!
|Miracle of strawberries after 17 degrees F weather! Blessings on the Farm guided by Faith and Action|
But I needed to lay down all manners of worries - whether big or small and bask in God's earth and be with my Hubby, with trying not to talk about the farm or my health 24-7......
I needed NOT to talk about any of my woes or concerns. And not connect with the phone or internet other than by necessity. I needed the stillness - the healing of both the still waters and the rushing waters. The reminders that God is forever and that though there are struggles that we face, He is so much bigger than all those woes and if we are still wherever we are, we will always be taken care of by Him in every way.
I had no idea that I would be so renewed in such a short time..... That Hubby had booked a sweet Christ filled stay for us where food abounded in great quantities and qualities....Where I was a guest in a house that was filled with historic love of the Lord and service in the community, and within a short period of time, was at one of my favorite small parks.... Ha! I had to laugh as it had been discovered by many families on many outings and almost all videos have the sound of parents or caregivers trying to bring their "kids" out of the lure of standing under the falls.
"The word Raphah means many different things in the Bible, but here it speaks to be still..This word is found in various forms in the Old Testament, with different shades of meaning. It refers to that which is slack, or to let drop, or in some instances, to be disheartened or weary.Want to think/study about this more."...Here's a great reference. Be still and Know that I am God
So I've rambled on to say, Thanks to God and all my caregivers and those that care about me, our farm, and don't just say but do over and over and over. And Jacque and I love you dearly. It's time for afternoon rest and here's a picture that proves that Joy can be overbounding NO Matter what. Blessings to all..... LITLA
|So resting in His Glory!|